That's right, gentle readers. The latest entry in this crazy online experiment of mine is devoted to kicking off the new year in style -- a style, that is, with which we are all intimately acquainted. Love it or hate it, this particular former fashion trend has staying power that is nothing short of amazing. Everyone has seen it, and for the past several decades it has been a force to be reckoned with. For no matter how much it is ridiculed, it simply will not go away.
I am talking, of course, about the mullet.
You heard that correctly, guys and gals. Make it short in front and long in back. Today the focus of this qualitatively questionable blog will be on the most talked-about haircut in history. This cultural breakthrough surfaced somewhere around the 70's (I think), hit its heyday in the late 80's/early 90's, and then faded into the backdrop as the millennium ended. But it never died.
You see, unlike most trends, the mullet is indestructible. Despite outward appearances being completely unfavorable, it has survived more lampooning and harassment than bell bottoms, break dancing and friendship bracelets combined. And yet, against all odds, the mullet remains. I do not know how it accomplishes this legend-worthy feat, but the reality of the matter simply cannot be ignored. I am of the opinion that it is among us forever, for good or ill.
We should all accept this as undeniably true, no matter what our mullet biases may be. If you hate the mullet, just resign yourself to the fact that it lurks around every corner, plaguing your existence for the rest of your life. If you love the mullet, then ask no questions and revel in its ubiquity. If you study the mullet, then bear in mind that your subject is not going anywhere anytime soon, and continue your project; it is in the name of science, after all. And if you are brave enough to wear the mullet, you may rest assured that the doormat grafted to the back of your head is the most effective conversation piece on the planet.
In light of the above analysis, I have decided to devote this particular entry to the glory of mullets 'round the Net. There are many who believe that mullets are static and identical. They think that if you've seen one mullet, you've seen them all. Nothing could be further from the truth. In reality, there are as many types of mullets as there are species of frogs. And as such, I would like to show you a few of them.
Bear in mind that this is by no means an exhaustive list of mullet variations. There are so many different kinds of mullets, there is just no way I could possibly list them all here. If that is the kind of thing you're looking for, please feel free to check out www.mullet.com, www.mulletsgalore.com, www.mulletjunky.com, etc. There are literally hundreds of websites like this. Here, I'm just listing a few of my favorites. If you'd like to explore further, don't hesitate to head over to the above websites and do more research on your own. These are just some of, in my opinion, the best.
And now, without further ado, behold some of the greatest species of mullet ever to grace this great planet:
The Classic Mullet
The Deliverance Mullet
The Metal Up Your Ass Mullet
The Seventh Level Magic User Mullet
The Throwback Mullet
The Dark Alley Mullet
The M.I.D. (Mullet In Development)
The Mudflap
The Nascar Special
(Author's note: I do believe we just found the missing link. This has got to be the hairiest human being I have ever seen.)
The Hair Blanket
(Author's note: HOLY SHIT!)
The Mullette (AKA The FeMullet, AKA the She-Mullet)
The Annoying Guy at the Party Mullet
The Goblin King Mullet
The Too Many Bong Hits Mullet
The Sleazy Lawyer Mullet
The Skullet
(Author's note: This is one of my all-time favorites. Comb-over be damned! FREEBIRD!)
The Rat Tail (AKA the Alabama Handle, AKA the Loser Leash, AKA the Pullit)
The Mullhawk
The Achy Breaky Hair
The Bowlet
(Author's note: Harry Potter meets Joe Dirt. Get a load of this guy's mustache. That thing, in and of itself, merits a website of its own.)
The WHAT THE FUCK!
The Super Deluxe WHAT THE FUCK!
That's about all I have for now. Any contributions to this list would be most appreciated. As I've said, what I have shown you here is by no means a complete set, so if you happen to run across other mullet species that I haven't covered, please I would love it if you added it to my efforts here. Join the cause, folks! Let's keep this study alive!
(Have a great New Year, everyone.)
